I’ve been thinking about doing a more detailed “About me” section, sharing my story.
There are several reasons why I decided to go anonymous with this blog, and after a few months of standing on the edge, thinking & worrying about writing and what to write about, a short discussion with my Darling Hubby (aka DH) helped clear my doubts, confirming that even though I sometimes am a coward, that isn’t my main motivation in finding myself here as the ubiquitous “Anon”.
Why I’m Not Me, The A-Z
We both come from somewhat conservative backgrounds, culturally and family-wise. I want to honour those backgrounds and families without making them the spotlight or, in some ways, opening up about things they might not be too comfortable discussing with their greater circles of influence before they’re ready. As I continue to write, you’ll find out what I mean.
DH & I also lived pretty colorful lives before we met, and our families are equally so at times. Some of the things I’ll be sharing make me cringe to imagine my inlaws bringing it up at the dinner table :-s
I also want to be able to write about topics that are often taboo – sex both in & outside of marriage, abortion, religion, racism, money, culture etc. (Trust me mom, I love you, but there are some things you’re not ready to hear about!)
So, in order to write freely, I need to be able to protect those I love while learning to face my own fears, dragons, dungeons and demons, as it were.
I guess there are things I need to deal with, and learn to be comfortable thinking and talking to myself about before I can hope to be remotely okay talking about it to others. And why blog about it then, you ask?
1. Accountability – I’m usually more honest with myself when I talk to others, outwardly expressing my thoughts rather than my internal self-talk. I wouldn’t say I’m great at the whole vulnerability thing but I can shape my words better than I do my thoughts. Go figure.
2. Letting go. There’s a kind of catharsis in letting things out and not having your world implode, at least, not immediately.
3. Opening up. It’s my way of opening up – I’m generally a really private person eg I don’t like having people in my bedroom. Thankfully, now that I’m married, it’s just DH and I.
4. Window to my soul. It’s also a way to keep DH aware of some of what’s going through my mind. I wouldn’t be comfortable with him going through my journals before I’m ready, but when I post it here, both of us know it’s kinda out there and fair game. It scares me sometimes that he’ll be reading, but, hey, I guess that’s part of the deal I bought into when I agreed to become “one” 😀
On a macro level…
I also need to be careful about how I represent myself without blurring the appropriate boundaries between our personal & professional lives. We’re running a small but growing business, and we know we are (read: will be) in positions of influence over people in different arenas of business, politics etc.
My goal isn’t to hide myself, but I do recognize that people’s perceptions may be influenced by some of what they read on this blog. I’m sure the time will come when this blog seem least blends into the rest of my life, but I’d like to be wise about how I do that. There’s a time and place for everything. Right words, right tone, wrong timing can mess up a lot of things.
As I’ve been thinking about all this, here’s my goal. If you’re hurting, if you’re losing hope, if you’ve hit rock bottom, if you can’t see a way out: hold on. There’s hope. Things do get better. There’s light at the end of the tunnel.
What I read this morning sums it up in a nutshell…
This is my life work: helping people understand and respond to this message (Ephesians 3:7 MSG).
Here’s the CliffsNotes version of my pretty messy, beautiful journey so far:
- It Was Just A Matter Of Time: My younger days & family life.
- The Great Divorce – A Tale of Three Children: My parents separation & divorce.
- The Turbulent Teens aka… Of Love & Trysts: My teen years…(to be completed).
- Hope Restored – Same Me, But Different: My young adult life (coming soon).
Wanna talk, vent, ask or encourage? Get in touch.