Daily: Running Away, then Facing My Fears

My Prayer.

When I find myself running away from instead of running towards God.

As erratic and disjointed as I feel in those moments.

========

When I find myself back in that place
My anxiety builds… The walls close in.

I shrivel inside, my heart starts to race
I pace, I fret, I hide my face.

I’m weak, I’m weary, I’m just about done
The last thing I need right now is a messy break down.

And I’m scared coz I want it, I wanna feel your love
But what happens when I fail you, when you see beneath the smiles?
I’m scared that you will see the scars and turn away your face
I’m scared I won’t be enough for you though I’m in Your embrace…

And so I march on
I wear my brave face
Inside I’m crumbling
But I can’t let go.. no,
I can’t let it show

I’m scared to be weak but I’m trembling inside
I’ve trusted, got hurt, now I just wanna hide
On the outside I’m strong, I’m able, I’m fine
But I’m over the edge, I’ve crossed the line

And I’m scared coz I want it, I want to feel your love
I’m afraid you’ll consume me – I’m already losing myself
I don’t want to get lost in your passion or grace
But what if your fire burns brightly within me
And after, all I’m left with is an altar of ash?
Yeah, what if I gain – and lose – Your embrace

And so I turn and run away, from what I want the most
Security or comfort, I’ve learned to live with what I’ve lost
And so I keep on running, not sure where I’m going to
I’ve heard your love is endless, your grace can’t compare
But I’m pretty sure I’ll be a disappointment to you

I find my future fading
No light on the horizon
I stumble, falling, failing
And I can’t. Go. On.

So won’t you arrest me
Stop me where I am
It’s foolish I’m even running
You always know where I am
You will never forsake me
You take me, embrace me
A cheap and broken heap
You love me and you take me
Just as I am.

At last I confront
Fears that haunt me,
Taunt me
I’m not enough
But I know now
I don’t need to be
Because
He is.

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